People’s way

 People are all different

And God bless them for that.

In a field as specific and psychologically oriented as BDSM, one must imperatively be very careful in neglecting not to take these differences into consideration.

In rl, ignoring the basic fact that we are not made of the same stuff, that we don’t come from the same background and thus don’t enjoy the same things the same way, only leads to deep misunderstanding, bitterness, drama, frustration and can cause important damages both physical and mental.

There is a huge gap between people who merely enjoy to be restrained in a playful manner and those who consider themselves as slaves, thus allowing the Domme’s point of view totally rule over their own taste and will.

Except that it must involve consenting adult partners and that common sense safety rules must be followed, there is no general code of conduct precisely and clearly defining what a BDSM relationship should be.

This is impossible as it would mean that we all live according to the same cultural codes, share an identical background or suffer the same trauma, think the same way and crave for the very same sexual and emotional needs.

It just don’t work this way in rl !

So what about sl then ?

Hey we are talking about a world where a Domme can own more than a dozen subs at the same time, where you can spend hours if not days bound in a most stringent manner without having to suffer any physical consequences and where one jumps into a game even if she has just met her partner five minutes before.

Things are so different here.

Sometimes it bugs me that some people’s sole and only contact with BDSM has to take place in a world which rules and codes lack of the substance such a sensitive and intense way of being usually calls for and where individuals seem to have this tendency to think that everyone is sharing their point of view about the way things should be done.

I perfectly know that life makes it hard or impossible for many people to live out their fantasy or just to express their sexual inclination and I am sincerely happy for them to be able to enjoy the best our favourite pixel world has to offer.

But a few things should be kept in mind:

Dommes and subs:

Don’t expect people to always share your vision of how things should be conducted

Read profile and don’t forget to fill out yours. Introduce yourself and the way you do or see things.

Before playing, make sure that both parties have agreed on a safe code or a way to communicate “out of character”.

Dommes:

Don’t take everything for granted just because you are wearing a “Mistress” tag above your head. Real respect is gained and not forced.

It is not because someone is wearing cuffs that she is a slave Gorean style. Know who you are dealing with before playing.

Caring for someone is not a sin nor a weakness.

Subs:

Always have your RealKey in the hands of someone you trust, just in case.

Using a safeword or letting your Domme know that you don’t feel comfortable with what is going on doesn’t mean that you fail her.

When leaving your keys out, never forget that there is a strong chance that you are the only one to have read the “mutual consent” code of conduct and other rules of the sim you just entered.

Clearly indicate in your profile limits that imperatively have to be respected as many Dommes have their own peculiar way of interpreting the word “limit”.

People are all different.

And God bless them for that.

RP or not RP ?

I am not good at roleplaying.

I mean that I don’t play a character here, I am just being myself and when dealing with a specific situation I react the same way I would in RL.

With its exotic locations and its endless possibilities, I consider SL different and surrealistic enough of an universe for me to feel the need to roleplay a fictional character.

Of course, when actually “playing” a bdsm scene with someone, I will adopt the needed attitude like I do in RL but I am not a Domme 24 hours a day and I certainly don’t log in expecting to be whipping asses on a strict regular basis.

I know that some people come online to play and play again, considering SL as a big bondage video game and very often neglecting the other aspects of this virtual world. Socializing, exploring or simply chatting with friends are not included in their list of activities. I bear no grudge against these people and won’t dare to judge them.

I just see things a different way.

When chatting with someone I never know if this person is emotionally really reacting or just faking according to the character she chose to play and, most often than not, I have been surprised or puzzled by answers I received to some of my naïve questions. I don’t mix RL and SL, that’s not the point here but I can’t help believing what people tell me and react accordingly only to discover that they were just giving flesh to their character.

I guess I just have to get used to it.

That’s the reason why you won’t see me often in “official” rp sims like Deadend where everybody is supposed to actively and constantly be someone else. I am impressed by the fact that players go as far as having an entire forum devoted to the adventures their characters live where they share the last episodes of this dramatic serial.

I sincerely would love to join the fun but being a poor actress myself, I guess I merely would spoil the game. Besides I am far from being talented enough to compose these long and sophisticated sentences describing what my character is supposed to do as going only by dialogs doesn’t seem to be considered enough of a thrill.

“And Sarah puts her pen back on the desk and after reading this entry a last time, decides to post it, hoping deep in her heart that she won’t hurt anyone’s feelings”

Yasmin Heartsdale

Reputation is a strange thing here in SL.

For instance, it took me some time before actually getting into grabbing keys and playing in Stonehaven. I used to merely sit in one of the comfy chairs of the patio and listen or watch what was going on. Well, as strange as it may seem, this lack of substantial activity didn’t prevent me from gaining the rep of a tough and strict Domme.

Yep, in spite of the fact that absolutely nothing in my behaviour nor my words could have lead to such a conclusion, I was seen as the kind of Mistress whose path had to be crossed with caution.

Ok, now take the case of Yasmin. She actually plays a lot and she actually takes care of a whole family of subs. Moreover, she is far from being a newbie and has been roaming the grid for quite a while now, leaving her mark in many bdsm sims.

So many things has been said, told, whispered about her. Some of them bad, some of them good as it goes with gossips and rumors. Her reputation became an hard shell wrapping her wherever she goes and whatever she does.

But did many took the time to go scratch this shell and check if everything that had been said, told and whispered was actually true ?

Did many took the time to try to understand what motivates her, and first of all, why so many girls chose to trust her, love her and become member of her family in spite of all that has been said, told and whispered ?

I consider Yasmin one of my best friends here even if, as usual, I definitely could be much better at expressing and showing it.

She is one of the rare persons here who manages to give flesh to a relationship, to see beyond the avatar and deal with the actual human being lost on the other side of the screen. She is one of the most experienced bdsm practicionner I have met so far in SL, perfectly knowing what she does and why she does it. She is not only extremely skilful at coping with your restraints but also wonderfully careful when dealing with your soul.

Yes she loves to play a lot, yes she will grab your keys within the blink of an eye, yes she can be tough but hey, you don’t run a whole family if not with a firm hand. Subs know better and can rapidly tell the difference between who is pretending and who is worth their obedience and respect.

And Yasmin attracts many subs.

This girl is no fake and has so many priceless gifts to offer.

And besides she is smart, funny and sweet.

And kisses like no one !

I love you dear, even if the arrogance of a certain part of your anatomy definitely asks for some measures to be taken :p

Merci so much for everything.

Alone On Arrival

 

When I take a look at my friends list, I realize how differently a relationship must be considered here in SL than in RL.

 

You meet someone, add her to your list then poof ! she vanishes for ever leaving her name and profile in your list as a mere souvenir. I sadly have to admit that I clean up my list every month, deleting people who seem to have disappear for good but can’t help keeping a few names in, hoping that, one day, their avatars will emerge again from the other side of the screen.

 

 I know that RL being what it is, some people find it difficult to maintain their presence online and I definitely won’t blame them for that but, oh my, this is so hard sometimes and such a shock to come to understand that the lovely person you shared so many great memories with is simply not about to come back.

 

 Before accepting any friendship offer or adding any new name to the list, one should check the amount of time the person spends online and, if about to leave for a while, the way she tells her friends in advance or not.

 Some people are honest enough to indicate in their profile when and for how long they come online but many seem not to care that much.

 

I have noticed another disturbing element in the field of SL relationships, so strange a factor that it eventually makes me feel less and less inclined to consider any form of official and emotional partnership as a reasonable goal to achieve here.

 

When I meet a newly wed girl, a freshly collared sub or a Domme who recently became an owner, well, guess what ? they all long for their loved half who seems to have deserted the grid almost as soon as both sides agreed to take their romance to some official upper level.

 

 Are people suddenly afraid of taking responsibilities ? do they feel cornered in a way or another ?

 

 Hum, I don’t think so; my point of view is that people feel relieved, they don’t have to look for someone anymore, their search is over and thus, the reason for their presence online too.

 They are now sure that someone do really care for them and went as far as making it official.

 They reached the emotional status they were aiming at, consciously or not.

 And sadly it seems that they consider it enough of an achievement to leave the grid thus breaking the heart of their wife, their sub or their Mistress.

 

Of course I also know lot of people still happily married and many subs whose collar gets all the daily attention it needs but still, I find the number of lonely avatars facing the horizon while waiting for the one they trust and cherish to return too big to be ignored nor neglected.

 

Makes me wonder.

Really.